December 17 - My Due Date

Since my miscarriage back in May (seems like an eternity ago) I've been dreading and wondering about today. I've wondered how I would feel looking back about not having a new sweet baby in my arms and welcoming a new member to our family. I knew of at least four women due within a week or so from me. Honestly I'm more than fine with it. I've had so many instances in the past few months that make me feel so relieved. I'm not sure why Chuck and I felt so strongly that it was time to welcome a new member to our family. We definitely felt spiritually prompted after praying in and outside of the temple. We moved forward with faith which is all we could do. Our little 18 month olds at the time were so sweet and so good. Since then they have turned into two year olds with the littlest thing setting them off, experimenting with boundaries and not listening to mommy/daddy, running, talking more, being more opinionated, etc...They are definitely more of a handful now especially out in public. My hands are full enough at the moment.

I like to take the girls to play groups, classes at the library, and such weekly. One week at the library Charity ran off into the parking lot with Harmony and I trailing behind her. When she didn't stop I ran after her. She fell and scraped her knee. Harmony decided to run after the both of us and fell and scraped her face. They were across the parking lot from each other screaming and crying. The very next week at the library (yes I dared) they ran out different doors at the exact same time. Not knowing who/where I should run after first I made a split second decision and ran after one. Later when we were looking at books Charity bolted again. Luckily a friend was there and I could leave Harmony where she was in search of Charity. Twins are just different than having two children (not like I'd totally know from personal experience or anything). Them both being in the tantrum, experimenting stage is hard. I cannot even imagine trying to deal with another baby right now let alone poor Chuck with all three at church. I'd take 6 months off from choir again but it would still be crazy. I'm not saying life and my sweet babies will be perfect by the time we do try again but hopefully a little more manageable.

I don't want to sound like I have it the roughest of the rough. My babies are really so sweet and so smart most of the time. Some of the time however it's really overwhelming and I need to realize twins are just different and all families need different timing. Some people can time their kids a year apart. I'm not one of those people. Even though I've suffered incredible loss I'm grateful for the opportunity to have more time before our next baby to potty train and just get a better handle on life.

I've also had some great experiences I wouldn't have had otherwise. I would've missed our Christmas concert with Sesame Street and Santino Fontana. My family decided to come out for that which has been amazing. It has seriously been so fun and amazing to perform with the sesame street characters. I would've been really sad to miss it. I'm so grateful almost all of my family came to support me in it as well.

There were really fun highlights this year (Spoiler alert). We started the concert as usual. Big Bird interrupted by coming on the stage singing and then the other muppets popped up as well. They each had a role to play in the concert. Grover was the director back stage, Bert and Ernie helped back stage as well. Rosita and Abby Cadabby got to sing in the choir in their own choir dresses, Big Bird conducted us during a song, Elmo was in search for MORE Christmas and Cookie monster was in search for MORE cookies. It was cute and just plain fun. I loved it! I got pictures with all of the puppeteers and even with Ernie himself backstage. Abby Cadabby even left a little voice message for my babies. How cool is that???

Santino entered the stage in a hot air balloon. The dancer, constumes and bells always bring so much to it as well. I loved it! Even though at the end of the week I'm exhausted and happy for it to end I teared up having to say goodbye to all of these amazing people! I've NEVER gotten pictures with the performers before. EVER!!! I've had friends that always lucked out somehow but the Sesame Street puppeteers were so approachable, sweet and friendly. I made a point to tell them all how excited we were to have them there with us. The puppeteer behind Bert/Grover and I had a nice heart to heart as well. He said he's never been part of such a large show but on top of that it was a life changing/moving experience to perform with us. Rosita and Abby Cadabby both teared up at different times. It was so much fun. Rick Elliot stole the show as always with his 12 days of Christmas rendition with the Count. It was so, so fun.

 My sister Denisha on the left, Sister in law Jennie and I on the back row, and their kids. So cute! They loved it. This was Sunday morning. Saturday evening my parents, Chuck's parents, Chuck and his sister Rosanne and her family came. Some other family and friends came other days as well.

I was also invited to be part of a beauty salon quartet (wink, wink) for this years annual MOTAB Christmas dinner. It was terrifying yet a really cool experience and opportunity. 

My handsome, supportive, amazing hubby and I all dressed up and ready to go. My wonderful parents babysat for us to go to the dinner even though it was their anniversary. I feel horrible about it but both of my babies are now sick and are so, so sad. It was nice to have them here. They plan on celebrating sometime soon.

 My friend Denise in town from England who was in the choir got to come to the concert and our dinner as a date and of course AnneMarie. LOVE these gals!!!

 The dinner was delicious. I love seeing and visiting with all of my choir family and friends. It's so great to see spouses and guests as well. I look forward to the dinner every year. Our little quartet has been practicing for this for months. I was almost more excited for the dinner than the concert this year. We missed a chunk of the other entertainment due to changing clothes, being out in the hall, nerves, etc. It was worth it though. The song was great. All the parts I was nervous about I nailed. Who knows what mistakes I actually made (everyone else in the room probably) but it was such a blast and I love these amazingly talented ladies more than ever. Left to Right: Me, Katie, Holly and Star.

I'll have to see about posting a clip of our song. Katie arranged it. Imagine a brilliant mash up of Bach, "I will Survive", "Happy", etc... It was brilliant and so much fun. All of the words and movements were inside jokes for the choir as well as a tribute to our conductor Mack Wilburg. I love being part of such an amazing organization. I still pinch myself daily. We were worried everyone would be listening for wrong notes, and mistakes but as far as I can tell they all had a wonderful time right along with us. It was a real treat!

I would've missed out on both of those experiences had I been having a baby any day. So for right now I'm grateful that even though I thought at the time that the Lords will was something else a few months ago I'm grateful for what it is today. I see babies around me and don't feel envious or baby hungry. We don't feel done and would like to expand our family someday but I'm grateful and relieved we get to take a little more time to do it.